My guardian angels

Meet my sister and her sweet family! I would not be here without them.

Words can't describe what this family means to me! My sister Helga and I have been close ever since I can remember. She is the most christ like person I know. She loves and serves everyone she meets. When she and her sweet husband Bryan invited me to live with them while I was pregnant our relationship grew immensely. I wouldn't have been able to survive the hardships of that time without her and Bry. 

Bryan is a seminary teacher and I have cherish our talks about his lessons, the gospel, boys, health and nutrition and just about anything else that comes up. 

Their kids own my heart! Little M is 4 years old. I missed my senior prom to meet this beautiful little lady. Never have I regretted that decision, she is the sweetest little girl you will ever meet. :)

Then theres mister Tayman, oh how I love this little guy. He has a very special place in my heart. He is only three days younger than Lillian (2 years old) and its been very fun to watch both of them grow up so similar. They both remind me of each other which I love.

Last but most certainly not least is my sweet Little L. Oh how I love her! She is about 9 months old and I could kiss her all day. She has the sweetest smile that instantly melts my heart. 

You will want to remember their names because I see them at least once a week and their names will come up quite a bit. :) 

I consider myself the luckiest Birth Mom EVER!

  And here's 4 reasons why.. 

 Meet Dave, Holly, Lillian and Josie. 

     I met Holly and Dave exactly one week before little Lillian arrived, not for lack of searching. Simply said, fate brought us together just in time. I knew from the second I met them that I had just met Lillian's parents. I can't explain the feeling but it was so strong and so powerful that there was no denying it. I cherish that confirmation and have reflected on it several times throughout the years. Holly and I instantly became friends and I know without her I couldn't have made it through the rough times.  She is one of the most amazing women I know. 

      Little Josie came as a surprise and honestly a miracle. They had a long complicated road on their journey to have children and just a month or so after I placed Lillian with them they found out they were pregnant.  Lillian and Josie are the best of friends and theres nothing I love more than seeing them continue to grow closer and closer. 

I look forward to sharing more of our story with you soon! :) 

Photo Credit: Peg Watkins Photography 

Stay tuned, I get to see them tonight and will post a few pictures either tonight or tomorrow. :) 

Part 1

I was just a few weeks shy of turning 20 when I found out I was pregnant. You can imagine the emotions I was feeling. It felt as though I was in a dream and that soon I would wake up and go back to life as I knew it. I waited but it never happened. I remember finding out about the pregnancy late one night and after that the night seemed like a blur. I was overcome with my emotions. I remember calling my mom the next morning. She knew by the sound of my voice that she needed to rush home. Telling my mom was hard, but because of our relationship it was much harder to keep it from her. She held me in her arms for what seemed like hours as I wept. A few days later I called my sister Helga who was living in Logan at the time; I told her my news over the phone. We have always been extremely close and I knew that she would know what to do.

Abortion was NEVER an option and never even crossed my mind. Where to go from here was a decision I wasn't ready to make. I felt way too emotional to be able to make such a huge decision. Helga along with my mom and bishop reminded me that it was my decision to make. They were all very supportive and kept reassuring me that they would stand behind me with whatever I choose.

 Naturally when you are dating someone and you find yourself pregnant you consider marriage as an option. Due to the relationship we had, I didn't consider it for very long. I knew that I was either going to raise this child by myself or place her for adoption. Due to my parents getting a divorce shortly after my first birthday, I grew up in a single parent home where my mom had two, sometimes three jobs, to support me and my 4 siblings. I saw my dad every other weekend and one night during the week. I was the youngest of my siblings and often remember missing my mom. I became very close to my grandma. She was like a second mother to me. I love and respect my mom with my whole heart for all the sleepless nights she endure while working to provide for us. She's the most amazing person I know. But I also knew I didn't want that for my baby, I wanted her to have a stay at home mom that could give her the love and attention she deserved. For me being a stay at home mom is important because I didn't have that luxury as a child. I'd like to be there for the small and simple moments that create a childhood. I wanted to fill that role in my baby's life more than anything but I knew that I couldn't at that time. It broke my heart. The thought of adoption scared me more than anything. I didn't feel I was strong enough.

I made the decision to keep it a secret from most of my family and all but a few of my closest friends. I was ashamed that being a good lds girl I had allowed myself to be in this situation. I went from preparing for a mission (as much as you could at age 19, back then) to preparing to have a baby and never being able to serve a mission. My world was changing and I knew I had to make some hard changes with it.

After 5 long long months of continuing to work at a pediatric office, and pushing through many fights with my boyfriend, I decided it was time. As much as I loved this boy, I knew that he was not what God wanted for me, or for my baby. I left for Logan on a Saturday night. I left my job that I loved, my mom, my friends and family, and the comfort of my room, for a life living out of a suitcase in the living room closest and sleeping on the couch. I moved up to logan and in with my sister Helga who was also pregnant at the time (due just a few days after me). I couldn't have been more blessed then to have my best friend guide me through the weird things you experience during pregnancy. They were pregnant with their second child and struggling to get through school. They opened their home and hearts to me without even a question. Simply stated they were an answer to my prayers.

Welcome

Hi my name is Heidi. I have attempted blogging several times in my life. I use to think that I had to have different blogs for the different things I wanted to blog about. For example I had a church blog, a quote blog, a blog about my life and a blog about my experience while I was living in china for a semester. Exhausting right?! No surprise that none of them lasted.
This blog is going to be about my life, and everything that makes up my life. There are going to be two main focuses throughout my blog.

First and most importantly I will be sharing my beliefs. I am a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints (commonly known as Mormons). I would be no where without my religion, it truly makes up every aspect of my life and brings me so much happiness.

Secondly, I want to share a very sacred part of my life that I have only shared with a very small amount of people. Words can not express how nervous I am and how exposed I feel writing this post. Even though I have gone through dramatic measures to keep this part of my life secret for so long, I can honestly say that I am now ready to share it with you.
Three years ago in April I placed a beautiful little angel for adoption with an incredible family here in Utah. I could go on for hours telling you about how much I love and adore her and her sweet family but I'm going to leave you hanging for a little bit and break the story into parts. (Part 1 coming very soon) :) I will tell you this, that the adoption is very open and I absolutely cherish every moment I get to spend time them. They have instantly become family and I couldn't love them more!  I hope that you can be understanding, excepting and supportive as I open up and share my story. :)

I am a Mormon and I am a Birth Mom!