‪#‎Day14‬ | Moment Of Courage | 

This was moments before placement happened. I don't think I felt an ounce of courage that day. In fact I don't think I've ever felt so weak, so scared and so unsure of my ability to do something, than I did at that time. But regardless of my fears and doubts I did it. I followed through, I survived, and I'm ok! In fact I'm better for it! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that was possible. I may have not felt courageous but the definition of the word courage means: "the ability to do something that frightens you". Adoption terrified me! After reading that I think courage perfectly defines adoption for both birth parents and adoptive couples. Neither title comes without pain, sorrow and sleepless nights. Adoption is rarely "plan A". It's not a choice that is made easily. Adoption has touched my life in so many ways, one is being surrounded by so many courageous and inspiring people! 

‪#‎Day13‬ | Openness |

The openness of my adoption is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not only do I get to gain a relationship with the sweetest girl in the world! But I get to observe her relationship strengthen with her incredible parents and adorable sister. I wish I had a picture of all of us together but unfortunately I don't. But I couldn't love them more!

Day 11 & 12

#Day12 | Easiest decision | 

For anyone who knows me, decision making is not my strong point. In fact I try to avoid it as often as possible.  To say there's such thing as an easy decision especially when referring to adoption is crazy talk. The easiest thing I did, was fall completely in love with this little lady. That wasn't a decision I made it just happened the second she was placed in my arms. That love grows daily as I get to know more of her fun, spunky personality. She brings everyone so much joy through that beautiful smile of hers! 

#Day11 | Life before adoption | 

Life before adoption I was young, had brown hair, lived at home with my family. I felt lost, I was stuck in a very unhealthy relationship. Adoption's hard but it saved me. She saved me! 

Day 9 & 10

#Day10 | Favorite Quote | 

I know this isn't a quote but this poem has gotten me through so many hard times. I can't read this poem without getting emotional because this perfectly defines how I got through my pregnancy and placement. People ask me all the time, how did you do it? And the best answer I could give is, "I" didn't... During the journey I had many times when I felt very alone and wondered why God left me. When I look back I know this poem proves to be true.. He was carrying me when I couldn't stand.

‪#‎Day9‬ | Support | 

I've been extremely blessed with the amount of support I have received throughout my journey. My mom has always been there to love and support, my sister Helga and her husband opened their hearts and their home to me. I've had two bishops who have become like fathers to me, their support has brought me to where I am today! I'm so grateful for them and love each of them and their families dearly! My siblings have been wonderful and I love each of them for their unique ways of supporting me. I had a few friends that I "trusted" with my story that were expressed their love and support. Holly was a main support for those first few years. Often times she was the only one who could make me feel better. When I had a rough day, I knew I could call her and we would talk and she would send me pictures of Lillian, which always made me feel better. I'm so grateful for those rough days that strengthened our friendship! Since I've shared my story I've been blessed with an endless amount of support from a wonderful Birthmom community, from friends, family and even strangers. But above all, my biggest support was from a man who has never left my side. A man who, when everyone else was gone, he was there! To hold me when I cried, and to guide me when I was ready. In my highest of highs and lowest of lows I felt my Savior's presence!

Day 7 & 8

‪#‎Day8‬ | Adoptive Couple | 

This was the very first picture I saw of Lillian's parents. Aren't they cute?! I couldn't adore them more! For you birth moms out there you know the almost routine like searching through profiles. You edit the search to what you've decided is important to you and you read over every profile that stands out to you. Well I did that, for months.. I was to the point I could recognize who was new because I knew my options so well. I had given up hope due to the lack of time I had left. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly find the right couple in such a short amount of time. I went weeks without looking at profiles due to discouraging events. I remember one morning I woke up and prayed my heart out, I had just had a long, incredible scripture study and decided I would give it another shot. This was the very first picture on the list of profiles. I emotionally read through their profile and contacted them instantly. Here's our timeline.. We first exchanged emails on a Wednesday, met on the following Monday, that Wednesday I threw a baby shower telling them they were going to be parents and on the following Monday they were. Within 12 days, that's crazy, I know. But I get emotional even thinking about how much the lord was guiding me through these times. His hands were very much involved in finding this wonderful couple and placing their daughter into their arms. I instantly fell in love with them and to this day that love continues to grow! They are two of my best friends and I'm so grateful for our friendship and the fantastic parents they are!

‪#‎Day7‬ | That Plus Sign | 

The pregnancy test I took was not a plus sign, it was one similar to this. I remember the night very well. I was at my boyfriends house and we had agreed that I would take the test that night. We suspected I was pregnant but I refused to admit it. I just knew my period would come and to give it one more day. After postponing it as much as I could. We agreed I would take it the next time I went to the bathroom. I held it for hours, refusing to admit I had to go. Deep down inside I knew what it would say but I wasn't ready for the confirmation. After taking the test and seeing it was positive I couldn't breath. I knew that no matter if I decided to parent or place my life was about to change forever. 

Day 5 & 6

#Day6 | My Happy Place | 

I have a lot of happy places; the beach, being with Lillian and her family, being with my family, Disneyland.. The list goes on! :) No matter what I'm struggling with this is always where I come. This place brings me so much peace and confidence in my future! The temple and the gospel are my ultimate 

‪#‎Day5‬ | Fears | 

My biggest fear is that she will grow up and want nothing to do with me, that she won't understand why I decided to place and that she won't know how much I truly love her. 

Day 3 & 4

‪#‎Day4‬ | First photo |

For any of you that know me, picking one photo is close to impossible. I love pictures. So for my "first photo" I wanted to share just a couple of my first favorites!  Top L photo isn't our very first photo but it's one of my favorites of those first few moments. Never have I felt so much love for anyone in my life. I cherish and love the pictures my sister captured of her parents holding her for the first time and their first family photo. The pure joy on their faces says it all! They are the best parents and some of my best friends! The bottom R photo was taken at my first visit since placement. They were sweet enough to invite me over so soon after placement. I still don't think they realize how much that meant! 

‪#‎Day3‬ | Debunking The stereotypes | 

I would like to address 2 different ones so bear with me..  1- Birthmoms love their children! They don't place because they don't want their children, or because they don't want to parent, we do it because we LOVE them. That love doesn't go away. Parents brag about their kids and I don't think it's a bad thing if birth parents brag about the children they placed. (As long as it's appropriate) Please be aware of what you say... we didn't GIVE them away, we PLACED them. I know that sounds like a silly thing to be effected by but it changes the spirit so much of what we did. 2- Birthmoms are different. We all have very different stories, different backgrounds, and perspectives. Yes we are united and its a beautiful friendship but just because you know one story doesn't mean you know all. love you guys, sorry for the straight forward post!

Day 1 & 2

‎#Day2‬ ‪| Why I Choose Adoption‬ |

Simple! I did it for her! I remember when I first choose adoption I was asked these questions... Why I didn't want my baby? Why I didn't love her enough to keep her? Why did I GIVE her away? Wanting her and loving her was NEVER the question! My love for her and the desire to never let her go came instantly! The question was would I be strong enough to break my heart, to save hers. I knew that I loved her more than words could express. I figured I would make a good mom.. But it wasn't about me, it was about her! And now she's loved by more people than she could ever imagine! She has parents who are wonderful who love and adore her! She has birth parents who love her so much. She has a little sister who's her very best friend! She truly has an endless amount of people who love her to pieces, who pray for her happiness and her success. Adoption is love and this beautiful girl is LOVED! 

‪#‎Day1‬ | About me |  

My name's Heidi. I'm a Birthmom to the most beautiful little girl whom I love and adore with my whole heart! I'm a member of ‪#‎thechurchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints‬. My religion is my life and brings me so much happiness and joy into it. I'm a full time student and I work full time. I'm studying sign language at UVU and work for IHC. I love photography and capturing memories! Those pictures typically are of the littles one in my life that I love and adore! I'm very close to my family and absolutely love meeting new people and making new friends. I joke around a lot and love to laugh and have fun!  ‪